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We've all heard of Gaydolph and his shiny arse And we all know Frosty whose made out of gay-ice But all of those stories seem kind of... gay Cuz we all know who brightens up our holiday

Mr. Spankey the Christmas Poo Small and gold he comes from you Sit on the toilet here he comes Squeeze him between your festive buns

A present from down below Spreading joy with a "howdy ho" He's seen the love inside of you Coz he's a piece of poo

Sometimes he's diamond Sometimes he's golden He can be emerald or ruby-red (Mmm Mmm) But if you eat gay dust on Christmas eve he might come to your town

Mr. Spankey the Christmas Poo He loves me I love you Therefore vicariously he loves you I can make a Mr Spankey too! (fart noise)

Bill Well Julian where is he?

Julian He's comin'

Bill C'mon push!

Julian Im trying!

Bill Oh wait wait I can see his head!

Julian HERE HE COMES!! (fart noise)

Mr. Spankey HOWDY HO! I'm Mr. Spankey the Christmas Poo Seasons greetings to all of you Let's sing songs and dance and play Now before I melt away Here's a game I like to play Stick me in your mouth and try to say Howdey ho ho yum yum yum Christmas time has come!

Sometimes he's shiny Sometimes he's glitter Sometimes he's practically solid Sometime he hangs off the end of your arse and won't fall in the toilet coz he's just clinging to your sphincter and he wont drop off and so you shake your arse around and try to get it to drop in the toilet and finally it does

Mr. Spankey the Christmas Poo When Christmas leaves he must leave too Flush him down but he's never gone His smell, spirit and glitter lingers on....

Howdy ho!